


Big Yellow Taxi

by LightLeadingMe



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Memories, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:48:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25595290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightLeadingMe/pseuds/LightLeadingMe
Summary: Ryan Howard never thought that he would ever be a believer in the phrase 'You don't know what you have until it's gone', yet here he was staring at a photo album that did nothing but make him feel alone and empty inside.
Relationships: Kelly Kapoor/Ravi, Ryan Howard/Kelly Kapoor, Ryan Howard/Other(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Big Yellow Taxi

**Author's Note:**

> omg okay so this is my first ever Office fic. I have so many of the Kelly/Ryan feels, it's overwhelming and I can only blame Mindy and BJ's complicated relationship. lol
> 
> SO LISTEN -
> 
> I'd like to point out how no one ever comments on how emotional Ryan actually is. He has an aloofness to him constantly, but if you listen to the things Kelly says to him or he says about their relationship, he is very much a douche bag, but also insanely sensitive. So, this is a play on those random observations.
> 
> anyway, memories are italicized - takes place right before the series finale :)

The baby was down and sleeping peacefully in his crib by the bed. The girl he knocked up left that morning and Ryan thought nothing of it until he realized all her possessions she haphazardly had around the tiny apartment were missing. He called his mom, but the only thing he got from that conversation was a metaphorical slap in the face and a stern " _I don't care. Get your shit together, Ryan, and take care of that baby_." It took him three hours to stop crying. And another two hours for Blake to stop crying. Now, with the little tyke asleep and the apartment quiet for the first time all day, Ryan was left to himself and his thoughts, something that did not bode well the man. 

He never thought that he would ever be a believer in the phrase ' _You don't know what you have until it's gone_ ', yet here he was, staring at a photo album that did nothing but make him feel alone and empty inside. After setting Blake in his crib, he retired to the living room, turning on the lamp by the couch and pulled out the album that he had hidden under the couch. The first few pages were early business proposals he had for Michael years ago and then he started getting into the pictures he took during his 'I'm a photographer' stint. A park bench in black and white here, a piece of trash by the curb there, and then there were the pictures he never showed anyone. The pictures that held memories and moments he acted aloof about, but secretly held close to his heart.

* * *

_Ryan slowly woke up, his body alerting him to the sound of birds chirping right outside the window. He usually was able to sleep through the noise, but he quickly realized that the sudden draft in the room was also cause for his early rising. The comforter that usually adorned the bed was in a tangled mess among the clothes on the floor, a thin lilac sheet the only thing barely covering his naked body. He stretched his arms over his head and looked to the side, seeing a sight so beautiful he couldn't help but whimper._

_Her bare, mocha colored back was facing him. The sheets were draped over her hips like some 17th century Greek statue, showing the round curve of her butt in the most flattering way. He watched the steady, slow breaths as she slept beside him and a shiver went through him, the need to feel and touch her overwhelming him suddenly. Ryan turned on his side and reached a hand out, tracing the curve of her spin from neck to lower back, his palm settling on her hip beneath the sheet. All it took was one gentle tug and she rolled onto her back, his hand sliding to her stomach, right above her pubic bone. Her dark chocolate nipples were peaked and her eyes were still closed, though Ryan could tell she was beginning to wake. Unable to resist the alluring sight of her chest, he shifted up her body and lowered his mouth to the breast closest to him, his lips closing around it and sucking lightly._

_Kelly moaned and arched her back, her hand rising from the mattress to cradle the back of his head, her fingers grasping at his short hair. Ryan looked up at her, his tongue swirling around her nipple, and caught her eyes, hooded with sleep and lust. She grinned down at him and then gasped when he lightly bit down on her before soothing with his tongue. She grabbed his face in her hands and pulled him up to her, their mouths connecting in a deep kiss. Ryan pushed the sheets off their bodies and settled himself between her legs, sliding into her slowly. Her arms wrapped around his neck as he rocked into her, keeping his movements gentle and at a steady pace. Their bodies were still sensitive and slightly sore from the night before so it didn't take long before she moaned loudly against his lips, her thighs gripping his waist as she came around him. He followed shortly after, his teeth biting into her collarbone and marking her as his._

_When their breathing returned to normal, he rolled back over onto his side of the bed and Kelly lifted the sheets up around her body, one leg peeking out and exposing her thigh to the sunshine beaming through the window. Her eyes closed and she succumbed back to sleep while Ryan lay beside her, his eyes staring at the ceiling. He glanced at his lover once more and reached over to the nightstand beside the bed, pulling out his camera. He stood up and held the camera to his eye, looking for the perfect position before snapping a photo of Kelly looking like a goddess in the rising sunlight._

* * *

_"Ryan, you have, like, no photos in here. Isn't this supposed to be your office?"_

_Ryan looked up at Kelly from where he sat in his tiny space in front of his desk. She had her arms crossed and her hip cocked out with attitude, her eyes roaming the closet in search of some sort of decoration that distinguished the room as an office rather than storage space. "We both know Jim's manager position isn't going to last forever, Kelly. I don't want to get too comfortable."_

_Her eyes suddenly lit up and dread immediately filled his stomach. "So, does that mean you'll be moving back to the annex with me?"_

_He felt a knot form in his throat and his eyes darted everywhere, trying to find an out to the current conversation. "Who knows," he croaked. "Maybe I'll be moved back to sales."_

_She frowned at that and he could see the doubt in her eyes that reflected the doubt he felt in himself._

_"Well, anyway, you should make the most of what you have. Spice the place up a bit! It's so drab right now." She stepped further into the room and tapped his thigh. Without any hesitation, Ryan scoot his chair back to allow room for her to sit on his lap, his hands automatically settling on her hips as she found a comfortable position. "I mean, we can get you a calendar, some accessories here, some pictures there. Oh!"_

_She began bouncing in his lap and he had to hold back a groan from the movement. The way she was wriggling around as she rambled on was causing some series friction on his crotch. His mind began to wander and an image of Kelly straddling him in his new office flashed in his head. He smirked slyly, imagining all the things they could do to each other in the enclosed space, but his thoughts were interrupted by her squealing._

_"Oh Ryan!" Kelly exclaimed, opening the bottom drawer of his desk and producing his camera. "Let's take pics right now! We can print them off and put them all over."_

_"Kelly, I think I have a better idea-"_

_"One, two, cheese!"_

_The bright flash blinded him for a moment and he blinked rapidly, trying to focus on her face. She was covering her own eyes as she had the camera turned on both of them when she snapped the photo and he couldn't help but grin at her adorable pout._

_"Okay, why the hell is your flash on? Let's try it again!"_

_He opened up his mouth, ready to argue, but then her lips were on his and he completely forgot everything except the delicate way her tongue slid against his. He barely registered the click of the camera and only realized she was snapping photos when she pulled away to review them on the digital screen._

_"Aw, it's blurry! Maybe we should try again-"_

_Ryan kissed her hard on the mouth, effectively shutting her up. As one of his hands slid down to cup her round ass, the other pried the camera from her fingers and carelessly dropped it on the desk before finding a breast and squeezing. Almost twenty minutes later, they pulled away from each other, their chests heaving as they tried to breathe properly again and Ryan's crotch issue settled by Kelly's hand and a few tissues. She rose from his lap and placed one last kiss to his lips, claiming she needed to wash her hands and freshen up before returning to her desk._

_Once Ryan was left alone again, he grabbed the camera and scrolled through the photos she had taken, finding the least blurry one. He plugged the camera into his computer, transferred the file onto his desktop and then hit print. When Kelly returned to his office later that evening so they could walk to their cars together, she screamed in delight at the sight of the photo he printed thumb tacked to the cork board on the wall._

* * *

_A heavy object whipped by his head, narrowly missing his ear and smashed against the wall behind him. Ryan stared at Kelly from across the room, a firm glare in his blue eyes._

_"What the hell?" he exclaimed._

_"You're such a fucking dick!" she screamed, her body visibly shaking with anger. "That is the third girl I've caught you cheating with!"_

_His jaw dropped, a guilty feeling being squashed down by the invasion of privacy. "What are you talking about?"_

_"Don't you dare fucking stand there and act like you don't know. I saw the texts, Ryan. I saw the pictures. How long have you been fucking this one?"_

_He ran a hand over his face, too exhausted for another fight. It was the fifth one this week and while this one actually seemed justified, it didn't make him an less exasperated. "Okay, will you stop screeching for like five seconds?"_

_That sort of smart ass response usually prompted more screaming, so he was surprised when she said nothing. He looked up and stared on as Kelly stood there, her hands clenched together in fists at her sides and her chest heaving with shaky breaths. Her eyes were red, but the tears stayed at bay._

_"I'm done," she whispered in defeat. "I can't do this anymore."_

_Ryan's eyebrows raised and his chest constricted with an unknown feeling. "What?"_

_Kelly raised her trembling hands to her face and swiped at the unshed tears. "We're through," she told him, her voice cracking. "I've spent years trying to make someone who clearly cannot commit love me and I just can't do it anymore. I want a husband, kids, a life! This relationship has become my personal hell and I-I don't deserve to be treated like this."_

_"Kelly, come on..." He rolled his eyes. "You really think I care about those women? I've told you before that I care about you and only you."_

_She shook her head, her bottom lip trembling. "It's funny," she laughed bitterly. "There was a time in my life that I would have believed that. I would have believed my ex-drug addict, convicted, cheating boyfriend that no matter what, he cared about me and any other dalliances were just flings and reflected nothing about our relationship. But I've seen what real relationships can be. I've seen Jim and Pam and unfortunately enough, Michael and Holly's healthy, happy relationships. And we aren't like that."_

_"But that's what sets us apart!" he exclaimed in excitement. "We are edgy and different and-"_

_"Toxic."_

_Ryan paused, his thoughts halted by her honest and heartbroken words. "Wait," he said, as if realizing for the first time that this was not an ordinary fight. "Are you... are you really breaking up with me?"_

_Kelly stayed silent for a few moments, the tears finally falling down her cheeks. She stepped over to him and placed a chaste kiss to his unresponsive lips. "Goodbye Ryan."_

_Hours later, after she had left and the sun had set, Ryan sat on his living room floor, his back against the wall beneath the window and the digital camera that was thrown at him in his hands. He lifted the device to his face and turned the lens on himself, snapping a quick photo to see if it even still worked. The harsh flash against his pupils made him see stars for a moment and he turned the camera around to review the picture. It wasn't until he saw the broken, tear streaked face of himself that he realized he was crying and he recognized the sinking feeling in his stomach as despair._

* * *

Ryan closed the photo album and slid it back underneath the couch. He stood and turned out the lamp on the table before stalking into his bedroom. After a quick glance at his son, he pulled back the covers on his bed and slid between the cold sheets. As he drifted to sleep, his mind was filled with the smiling face of his ex-girlfriend like it was every night. He hoped one day, he'd be able to see that smiling face again, looking at him with adoration he knew he never deserved.

_Late last night_   
_I heard the screen door slam_   
_And a big yellow taxi_   
_Took my girl away_

_Don't it always seem to go_   
_That you don't know what you've got_   
_'Til it's gone_


End file.
